In a stunning last-minute plot twist, December 2019 has woken up in the shower revealing everything that happened in the last 12 months to have been just a dream.
Sitting bolt upright with a gasp, December looked around in confusion for several moments before wiping its brow in relief that the absolute carnage of the preceding twelve months has turned out to be just some crazy nightmare.
2019 is understood to have eaten a considerable amount of blue cheese before dozing off, resulting in a series of intense and unsettlingly real visions in its sleep.
“That was intense,” 2019 is reported to have said to nobody in particular. “Everyone was dying.
“I mean, yeah. Some of them were old, so I wasn’t too surprised, but the bit where Chadwick Boseman and David Prowse fell off the perch seemed so real.
“And there was this orgy of destruction of both health and economies caused by short-sighted lack of planning and public indifference. I’m glad that wasn’t real.”
Emerging from the shower and towelling itself off, December 2019 mused that whatever the future brings, it’s unlikely to be as bad as the dream it has just had.
“I’m really looking forward to reading John le Carre’s next book in a few months,” said the old year.
“And Christopher Nolan’s next film Tenet is coming out in 2020. I’m really looking forward to that – I’m sure it’ll be really great and satisfying.”
In breaking news, it has just been on the TV that there’s been an outbreak of some disease in China.