After putting their top negotiators on the case the UK government has secured quarantine rooms in hotels which are only a little bit associated with violent death.
The government has addressed concerns that it’s not ready to implement its hotel quarantine plan by announcing two amazing agreements it’s made with existing establishments.
“This is yet another example of how great we are at making deals with people,” said Foreign Office Minister James Cleverly.
“I personally spoke to the lovely little old lady who runs the Bates Motel – she insisted on sitting in the shadows on the opposite side of the room so I’m confident her establishment is one which will take social distancing and other Covid regulations extremely seriously.
“All her rooms have en-suite shower facilities and she even said she’s happy to let guests stay in the boot of her car if demand warrants it!
“Similarly, the caretaker of the Overlook – a Mr Jack Torrance – was equally accommodating and I must say seemed to be in very high spirits about the whole situation. Just the sort of optimism one needs right now!
“He said that room availability wouldn’t be an issue and joked that guests could stay forever and ever if they wanted!
“Jack obviously takes health and safety seriously as he carries a fire axe with him wherever he goes – very reassuring.
“I’m completely confident that in-bound travellers will have absolutely no problem staying in either of these establishments for a mere ten days and are very unlikely to get hacked to pieces.
“One minor niggle is that both hotels are in America – but I’m sure we’ll iron out such details as we go along!”