Leftie liberals devastated to find there is nowhere on census to record that they are ‘woke’

4 weeks ago
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Couple filling in census form

The leftists are once again crying over a perceived injustice, it has emerged.

The outcry is reported to stem from there being nowhere on the census, which takes place every ten years, to record whether the occupants of a house are ‘woke’ or not.

Simon Williams, a leftie who is so ‘woke’ that he has subscribed to receive a daily email from his favourite “left-leaning” satirical website (which you can do so here ), told us, “I was completing the census yesterday and all was going as normal at first.

“As always, I was entering that I was black, a Muslim and a lesbian, despite being white, agnostic and a virgin, so as to improve awareness for these social groups, but then I realised there was no option in which I could record that I am, like, incredibly woke.”

He explained, “I know they don’t collect information on politics or political leaning, but me being woke goes way beyond that – it is a way of life, after all.

“I just sincerely hope that they sort this out in time for the next census – after all, being able to say that I am ‘woke’ is far more important to me than actively doing anything to redress the wrongs in society on a practical level.”

Newly unemployed anti-woke warrior Piers Morgan was also unhappy at the options available on the census, albeit for a different reason.

“What a pointless waster of time!” he fumed, having completed every page of the census because he now has literally nothing else to do with his time.

“There wasn’t a single place to record the fact that I hate Meghan Markle”.

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