Cadbury’s will not be releasing any Easter eggs onto shelves this year.
Instead, the chocolate giant (mmm…chocolate giant…- Ed) will be releasing a range of chocolate celebratory orbs around Easter time, which people can consume either while considering the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ, as one would traditionally do with an Easter egg, or thinking about something else entirely.
“We’re delighted with the outcome of our chocolate orbs,” said designer, Simon Williams.
“They are both aesthetically pleasing and theologically nondescript. It’s the chocolate treat for everybody at around the time of year in which Easter happens to occur.”
“We see no fallout from this whatsoever and we definitely haven’t done this to create any kind of social media buzz. No sir.”
Daily Mail reader, Hayley Rice, commented “RRRAAAAGGGGHHHH!
“The fuck is that? We’re ENGLISH and this is EASTER. Give us a fucking Easter egg!!!
“Hmm? Me? No, I’m not religious, but I still really care about the word Easter being present for some reason. Put it on the box. This is a disgrace. My son is crying.”
Hayley’s son, Lucas, aged 8, said “I’m fine, and I don’t care. Just give me chocolate until I throw up.
“What’s a Jesus?”