Disgraceful namby-pamby, politically correct, woke, social justice warrior metropolitan elites have succeeded in having Christmas banned for almost an entire year.
The ban on Christmas begins officially in 12 days, and continues throughout the year until an unspecified point in December.
Although there has been no official announcement of the Christmas ban, The Daily Express bravely brought it to the attention of its readership after one of its ‘journalists’ received a calendar for Christmas and realised what had happened.
Colonel Simon Williams is the 104-year-old Tory MP for Upper Downwardshire and is furious.
“I’m furious,” he said, furiously.
“This has been a bally Christian country that celebrates bally Christmas for tens of thousands of years, and now a bunch of sandal-wearing homosexuals have decided to ban it for nearly a whole year because it might cause offence to a bunch of Godless savages from Bongo Bongo Land.
“What’s next? I suppose we’ll all be forced to wear turbans, speak Muslim and ride around on magic carpets.
“Well, I won’t have it, do you hear? I won’t bally have it. If I want to put up a Christmas tree and open a present and cook a turkey and eat a tub of Quality Street except for the orange creams, then I bally well will! Whenever I like!
“And if the woke police come around and arrest me, then so be it! I’m prepared to sacrifice myself for Great British Christians everywhere.”
The ban on Christmas follows on from last Spring’s year-long ban on Easter which comes to an end in a few months.