Some family members of Home Secretary Priti Patel have expressed relief at her decision not to visit them this Christmas.
Whilst acknowledging her unmatched ability to overlook wanting to remove every single foreigner from the UK, whilst ignoring her own immigrant heritage, they are worried that her natural lack of compassion might override even such shameless hypocrisy.
As someone close to the family who wished to remain anonymous for fear of reprisals told us, “We do feel that Christmas is a time for peace and harmony.
“No one wants to find themselves failing to guess a charade representing the introduction of the death penalty for stealing an apple, only to find themselves shepherded across a rain-swept runway under cover of darkness to be flown off somewhere they have never been before or, worse, into some war-torn death zone – not like last year!
“Of course we all love Priti like she’s family – I know many people think she’s a bully, and I couldn’t possibly comment, but she certainly has some strange views.
“We often have a good laugh about her being like that Roy Slater from Only Fools and Horses who’s reviled because he once nicked his own father for having an unroadworthy bike only for the ex-DCI to point out indignantly that the rear light was defective.
“I don’t know if her newfound covid zealotry is a political affectation, but who cares. Here’s to a relaxed festive season where the merest mention of turkey or brussels doesn’t trigger yet another rant about a tsunami of EU based refugees ready to swamp the nation.
“Oh, and by the way, a Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year to ALL – and I’m sure the family speak for Priti as well in sending that heartfelt message.”