Republican Congressman Matt Gaetz blames Antifa for skidmark attack in his underwear

3 weeks ago
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Matt Gaetz blames Antifa for skidmarked underwear

Congressman Matt Gaetz has today launched a blistering attack on leftist agitators Antifa, insisting they were directly responsible for the mess he made of his most recent underwear.

Gaetz, a loyal supporter of Donald Trump, said that the ‘lamestream’ media would have you believe that he alone was responsible for the skidmarks inside his own underpants, despite it being blatantly clear to everyone who loves America that there is no way that is possible.

Gaetz told reporters, “Antifa is a pernicious and devious organisation of violent leftists who will stop at nothing to destroy the patriotic underwear of anyone associated with Donald Trump.

“Their disgusting behaviour knows no bounds, even if that means soiling the underwear of proud Trump supports like me.

“It’s obvious to anyone not blinded by the fake news media that I would obviously not soil my own underwear, that’s just not something Trump supporters do – obviously it was Antifa.

“The very fact that they were not seen in the vicinity of my underwear, and took no credit for the attack, is further evidence that it was definitely them.

We approached Antifa for comment on the accusations but did not receive a response because, despite repeated assertions to the contrary by right-wing commentators, they are not an organisation with any sort of leadership structure.

However, when asked for her opinion on the latest news, Congressman Gaetz’s wife told us, “Jesus Matt, again? Seriously?”

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