Although President Trump lost one House this week, well-meaning friends in the White House have bought him a new one so he doesn’t feel too down today.
Trump, who was said to be ‘bigly sad!’ at the loss of the presidential election to Joe Biden, has perked right up with the gift as sources close to the President say he is yet to realise there’s any difference.
The new house is understood to have cost four dollars and ninety-five cents, plus eighteen billion in unrelated spending which was included to ensure it got enough support to get the purchase through.
Sources say the President was so delighted with the house he had completely forgotten about the one that he lost to the Democrats by the time of his mid-morning nap.
The Commander in Chief has already taken to Twitter to boast about the new house, which he says has no Democrats in it at all and is, therefore, “a great improvement on the old one”.
“The house is a lovely pink, green and grey colour and thanks to there being no debt leveraged on it, it’s actually worth more than his tower in New York,” insiders told us.
“There’s a family of puppets living in there for the President to do what he likes with.
“He calls the lady fat and ugly and then puts the man puppet in uncomfortable and ridiculous positions and makes him say needy things in a silly voice, all purely for his entertainment.
“He calls them Ted and Heidi Cruz.”